


Free yourself from memory

by FancifulRivers



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Aborted No Mercy Route, Chara Has Their Own Body, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Binary Chara, Non-Binary Frisk, Nonverbal Character, Other, Past Child Abuse, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Queerplatonic Relationships, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 04:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12204060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulRivers/pseuds/FancifulRivers
Summary: "Some scars don't hurt. Some scars are numb. Some scars rid you of the capacity to feel anything ever again." -Joyce RachelleTwo broken kids do their best out of the underground.





	Free yourself from memory

_I didn't deserve to be saved,_ Chara signs to you. Their face is just as blank as it was in your head, their eyes just as red. You're kind of surprised by that; you thought their red eyes were only a manifestation of their self-loathing.

"Yes, you did," you say aloud, testing the words on your tongue and knowing you believe them. Chara just rolls their eyes and looks out over the mountain, the wind tugging at stray strands of their hair.

Toriel gathered the other monsters a little way away, giving you two space. You think it's supposed to be considerate, since you used to share a body and it's a little unnerving not having someone else in your head. You don't know if Chara feels that way, though. You don't know if Chara feels much of  _anything_.

_Are you going to go home?_ Chara asks. Their fingers are stiff, the movements stilted, like they don't really want to ask but feel like they should anyway.

"No!" You nearly shout it, freezing when everyone turns to look at you in concern. You flap a hand weakly at them- _I'm fine, don't worry_ -and they turn back to their excited speculations about the sun and the trees and the flowers blooming among their feet.

"No," you repeat, much quieter. "I- I don't have a home." It's supposed to be a lie, but is it really? It's not like your parents ever gave a shit about you. You doubt they noticed you've been gone. You climbed a mountain to die and you found something so much better and if you have to give it up again, you're not going to rely on the hope of exposure and accidental falls down holes to off yourself.

No, you think you'll take a leaf out of Chara's book and find a knife.

Something about your expression seems to unsettle Chara for they lean forward and rap your shoulder with two fingers, nearly knocking you off balance.

_Whatever you were thinking, stop,_ they sign, and there's a strange intensity in their eyes that makes you nod slowly in agreement.

"What are you going to do?" You ask instead, and they shrug listlessly.

_Go with Mom, I guess,_ they sign.  _If she..._ They stop. You can guess what they want to say.  _If she'll have me._

"She loves you," you say quietly. "She'd love to have you. You and Flowey." You motion toward the flowerpot Toriel's holding. At this distance, you can just make out Flowey's glum expression. He wasn't happy about being taken out of the underground, but you refused to leave him there. He's Chara's brother. He's still Asriel somewhere inside, even without a soul, and you're not going to leave anyone behind.

Chara nods, but it doesn't look like they believe you. You aren't surprised.

_She loves you too,_ Chara says. And you know she does, you  _know_ , but it's so hard for you to believe it, too. So hard to believe "I love you" from a mother that doesn't call you by another name and put pink bows in your hair and make you wear dresses and skirts because 'pants are too masculine' when you  _know_ the only reason she said that is because you tried to tell her that you're not a girl. For a moment, your hands clench into fists and you abruptly sit down, right in the dirt, because you're afraid your legs will collapse under you.

Chara sits down, too, across from you, and you can tell it hurts by the wince that briefly crosses their face. You know from their stint in your head that they have arthritis, that their joints creak and swell, that they have sensory issues like you do. You aren't sure if they can't talk at  _all_ or if it's just difficult, but you aren't going to pry. You know ASL from school, and you've gotten a lot of practice lately. It helps you, too, when you feel like your throat's locked up.

"Do you think-" You stop. No, actually, you don't want to know the answer to that. You don't want to know if any of the monsters remember you killing them. Chara answers you anyway, hands nearly robotic.

_No. Maybe Sans, but that's it._

You shiver, remembering bones slamming through your chest. The dirt on your hands feels like dust for a moment and you scrub it off on the knees of your jeans, ignoring Chara's raised eyebrow. It doesn't matter.

"Children?" Toriel, calling you. She sounds slightly worried. You heave yourself to your feet, offering Chara a hand up. They regard it for one scorn-laden moment before painfully climbing to their feet alone. Your hand wilts to your side. 

"Do you want to stay with me?" Toriel asks. She is soft and warm and it is hard not to cling to her, hard not to bury your face in her fur and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist.

"Yes," you say, trying to hide how eager you are. Chara just nods, but you think you can see a spark in their eyes.

It's time to descend the mountain. 

Even surrounded by monsters- surrounded by  _Chara_ -

Oh, how you don't want to.


End file.
